Rejection

Last night was rough. Joshua was doing pretty good most of the day. He even was an angel when I took my parents to the airport at 5 o'clock in the morning. He didn't sleep very long after the 7:00 am feeding, but was mostly happy most of the day. Liz came for a visit in the evening and he was his typical fussy between 6:30 and 9:30 pm, but generally pleasant while she was here.

But when it came time for his 9:30 feeding, he was having a hard time holding out, so I decided to start a little early. I don't know what happened, but that kid would scream bloody murder any time I tried to get him to latch on. After 20 minutes he was still crying inconsolably and hadn't eaten a drop. I was getting so frustrated. After another 10 minutes, Jim brought the last ounce or so of milk left over from the 6:30 bottle feeding. He gulped that down in a flash. So then we warmed up the 5 ounce bottle meant for the next night. He slurped down about 3 more ounces of that. So the kid was clearly hungry - and exhausted since he slept until 5:30 this morning. At least he still slept good. He has fed normally so far this morning.

But what a feeling of rejection I experienced. I know deep down that it is not a personal rejection, but it's hard not to feel that way. When the moment you offer your baby the breast and he starts to scream, how can that not feel offensive? I had heard about hunger strikes and wondered how long this was going to last. Does it count as a hunger strike if he still takes from the bottle? I would think not, so again come the rejection feelings.

Of course all the questions come flooding of what caused it. Something I ate? Something I changed? Is he sick? Tired? Growing? Colicky? My main theory at this point is the breast pads I'm using. I changed brands a little over a week ago and I'm trying to remember if his little rejections started around that time. Maybe they smell different. So as soon as I get the opportunity, I'll go back to the other brand and see if his attitude changes again.

In the mean time, we'll pray that today continues to go well.

On a side note, I found a new blog site yesterday that I think I'm going to love. It's the Chronicles of a Babywise Mom. I read the Babywise book and agree with its theories on raising a baby so that is the method I am trying to implement. However, I have felt the book doesn't get as detailed as I would like about things. Many of my friends from work use Babywise, so they have been a helpful resource too. I still need to look at this site more, but it is very extensive about specific questions and already answered/reassured two questions I had. But it also is nice because she references other resources such as Baby Whisperer and Happiest Baby on the Block. You can see her trying to blend the different techniques which is kind of what I have been doing.