I experienced my first Orthodox Jewish wedding last night. It is definitely a unique experience. But leading up to the wedding I had to decide what to wear. I had been told that women had to wear a skirt or dress, not pants. No problem. But as the weekend approached and I thought about what I might wear, everything was bright, summery colors. In my mind, I thought that might not be right. I had the stereotypical vision in my head of everyone wearing black. I had no idea if that was true, but I envisioned my dresses sticking out like a sore thumb.
Saturday night Jim and I looked online to see what guidance might be there. The common themes, were long skirts, sleeves at least ¾ length, and unexpectedly it talked about the neckline. Oh, no. I hadn’t even thought about the neckline. We didn’t see much about color but Jim eventually saw something that mentioned muted colors. Anything I had in mind was not very muted and the necklines were questionable. I am not one to wear plunging necklines, but I wanted to be respectful. I tried different clothes on and Jim weighed in. We kind of settled on an outfit, still questioned the neckline, then I thought about wearing a scarf. Ah! A solution!
Sunday morning I went to my mom’s house and raided her closet. She has a nice, long, dark brown skirt. Check. I found a silk scarf with brown tones that matched the skirt beautifully. Check. Ooh, here’s a broach to hold the scarf and dress it all up a little. Hooray! But the top I was still planning to wear was long sleeve and rather fitted and knit. I would die of heat. So I also found a lighter top in my mom’s closet that I could wear. Check. Check. Check.
The Kabbalat Panim started at 5:30 in Los Angeles. This is basically a pre-party before the ceremony. The bride sits on a “throne” and is admired by all the guests while the groom is with the men. At one point the groom is carried to the bride to lower her veil over her face (after he makes sure he’s marrying the right woman: Genesis 29:16-29) During this hour lots of appetizers are available and there was an open bar all night. I asked Jim to see if they had apple cider I could drink. He came back with a day glow green drink. I said “Didn’t you get me anything.” He said this was their attempt at apple cider – which they did not have. It was tonic water and apple schnapps. It tasted terrible!!! I’ll stick with the soda.
At 6:30 we were all ushered into another room for the Chuppah (ceremony). The men sat on the right side of the aisle and the women were on the left. The groom was Iranian, so there was quite a bit of Iranian influence in the music, the people and the food. The majority of the ceremony was in Hebrew. There was a booklet provided to explain what was happening, so that helped.
After the ceremony, it’s now about 8:00, the bride and the groom spend some time alone. So the guests have a new food spread to indulge in. It was so packed in this area, that I just found a spot to stand and stayed there while Jim wandered around and tried to reach the food. There was some unusual fruit which is yet to be identified, but I finally learned today that one was called
rambutan .
At about 8:45, the reception room is opened up and we can go to our table. There is a nine piece band playing on the stage. Down the center of the dance floor is a big dividing curtain. At 9:00, the couple enters the room surrounded by family and friends. The men go to the right side of the curtain and the women the left. For the next 30-40 minutes it is just wild, excited dancing around the bride and groom. The groom gets hoisted – sitting or standing – on someone’s shoulders. The bride and groom each get lifted in a chair over and over at separate times and sometimes together. It is so wild and so much fun.
Our table happened to be on the men’s side and Jim suggested I check out what the women were doing. So I look around and realize I am one of only about 5 women left on this side of the curtain. I better go over there. So I do, and there are still quite a few men on the women’s side. The bride’s mom starts a circle of dancing – with the holding hands going around like ring-around-the-roses. I watch for a while and then she pulls me in too, so now I’m dancing with all these women. What a riot! I go back to my table and as the dancing continues, men are pulling napkins from our table…our water glasses…our chairs. I felt like I was being robbed. I grabbed my napkin before anyone could take it. The men started taking off their jackets and piling them on top of Jim’s. Who knew if people would end up with the right one back?
Finally at about 9:45 the dancing stopped and they announced the buffet was open. AAHH!! That’s it? Go for it?!?! Dive in?!?! No dismissing by table? I need more organization than this! I need my linear boxes. Too much chaos for one night!!!! So we waited a little bit for the mob to die down. There was variety of food and Jim was good about grabbing some new things to try. During dinner the divider was taken off the dance floor and once the meal was done, some thanks and congratulations were made by the father of the bride and then the regular dancing began. Jim and I got out of there just after 11pm and had to make the drive back home.
It was a wonderful experience to see another slice of culture. I had some expectations, but tried to just keep my mind open to whatever there would be. I tried to soak up as much as I could. I left with more questions than answers, but also with more understanding and appreciation.
By the way…what I wore was perfectly appropriate. The majority of women were in black, but there was a mix of everything else too. So I would have been fine no matter what I wore, but I felt appropriate and respectful (albeit a bit matronly).
